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familiar strangers
Feb. 25th, 2007 | 11:39 pm
location: home sweet home
music: Mamas and the papas - age of aquarius
couple of weeks ago i was contacted by a very very old friend of mine... (old meaning from the past, not age).. i hadn't seen or heard from him since elementary school... and to be honest i wasn't even aware that he existed at all, until i verified it by looking at my old yearbooks...
anyway, one thing lead to another and we planned to spend reading week at his apartment in Montreal with a couple of others that miraculously lived a road trip away. "awesome, a chance to catch up and reminisce" ... me and two others pulled a road trip and carpooled down to Montreal.
The 6 hour trip wasn't awkward or boring in anyway in fact it was a sort-of "warm up" for my memory, since i couldn't for the life of me remember anything that happened. But driving with these two guys that seemed to remember everything helped a lot.
we reach Montreal at my friends apartment and we're all psyched for this reunion... we buzz up, and he's not even home... we had to spend about 45 minutes in the car till he came home, no biggy. Looking back, that was an indication of how the "reunion" would play out.
so its Friday night and we spent it all talking and laughing, looking at yearbooks and giggling and shit of that kind.... we go to sleep at around 5am. i called the couch, 2 share a bed, and the last sleeps on the other bed... don't worry nothing gay is going on... i think.
Saturday we wake up at 3am, we don't actually get going till about 5.. we head out to go eat; more great times ensue, we're at this Arabic restaurant till 12am... rinse and repeat Friday.
fantastic time, Sunday rolls along we wake up a little earlier (12) we get a small tour of montreal, after eating late lunch we head back home to change and go play some squash, not a game im familiar with, but apparently they are all pro at, so i get my ass handed to me.
you know that feeling right as you reach the top of a roller coaster and it hangs there just for a second right before it starts heading down? well the trip reached that point for me at the end of the squash game.
since im not in prime shape, they obviously start giving me advice "you should get back into shape" "you shouldnt do this" "you shouldnt do that" blah blah blah....
then all of a sudden the duo that were on the road trip with me turn religious... oh god (pun intended)
now i don't know if its that I'm the youngest, the most out of shape, the first to leave Kuwait, the most "Canadian", the least Arabic or what.. but I've become the punching bag... whoop.
anyway... the next day one of the guys leaves he has family here and he will continue with them... our host apparently starts work monday afternoon... so me and another are left stuck at home... a whole 6 hours... i made the most of doing nothing, so i jumped on one of the computers, and lost my self :) .... best 6 hours of the trip.
somebody brought up going skiing, so we went, bruised my hip and shoulder and stubbed my toe... fantastic.
so its Tuesday night, and we should have been on our way back already, but noooo we should spend couple more days here.. and my friend convinces me because my other friend (apartment owner) is depressed. "sure, but Thursday we leave", i say. we talk about why he is depressed and they start bashing Canada.. and a whole argument arises and lets just say it hasn't been resolved..yet.
Wednesday... we are seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel of what to do in Montreal in the cold (and fuck it was cold) .. we end up going to the bio-dome and the 1976 Olympic stadium, woo...now tensions are high, we're just too different to get along, at least thats what i thought.
Thursday, i over hear my friend (the car owner) planning with the other for things to do on the weekend... i interrupt this conversation stating that we are supposed to be leaving later that night... they try to convince me to stay the weekend, but i've honestly had enough..
conversations were very shallow... mostly whining about every thing (we ran out of memories).. events were -always- at least 2 hours late... i just couldn't take it anymore.. so i told them I'm leaving on the next bus--heh how dramatic--and i do. 9pm bus, arrive in toronto at 3am, hang out downtown for 3 hours till the subway opens, and im home at 8am. home sweet home.
im satisfied with my life the way it is... the past where it should be... hidden deep in my unconscious...
200 dollars, 7 days and 2 less friends later, here i am. blogging again.
--- hossam
ps. its hard to see from text the amount of annoyance i was in. boredom, constant whining and judging will get under your skin, especially if its from familiar strangers.
anyway, one thing lead to another and we planned to spend reading week at his apartment in Montreal with a couple of others that miraculously lived a road trip away. "awesome, a chance to catch up and reminisce" ... me and two others pulled a road trip and carpooled down to Montreal.
The 6 hour trip wasn't awkward or boring in anyway in fact it was a sort-of "warm up" for my memory, since i couldn't for the life of me remember anything that happened. But driving with these two guys that seemed to remember everything helped a lot.
we reach Montreal at my friends apartment and we're all psyched for this reunion... we buzz up, and he's not even home... we had to spend about 45 minutes in the car till he came home, no biggy. Looking back, that was an indication of how the "reunion" would play out.
so its Friday night and we spent it all talking and laughing, looking at yearbooks and giggling and shit of that kind.... we go to sleep at around 5am. i called the couch, 2 share a bed, and the last sleeps on the other bed... don't worry nothing gay is going on... i think.
Saturday we wake up at 3am, we don't actually get going till about 5.. we head out to go eat; more great times ensue, we're at this Arabic restaurant till 12am... rinse and repeat Friday.
fantastic time, Sunday rolls along we wake up a little earlier (12) we get a small tour of montreal, after eating late lunch we head back home to change and go play some squash, not a game im familiar with, but apparently they are all pro at, so i get my ass handed to me.
you know that feeling right as you reach the top of a roller coaster and it hangs there just for a second right before it starts heading down? well the trip reached that point for me at the end of the squash game.
since im not in prime shape, they obviously start giving me advice "you should get back into shape" "you shouldnt do this" "you shouldnt do that" blah blah blah....
then all of a sudden the duo that were on the road trip with me turn religious... oh god (pun intended)
now i don't know if its that I'm the youngest, the most out of shape, the first to leave Kuwait, the most "Canadian", the least Arabic or what.. but I've become the punching bag... whoop.
anyway... the next day one of the guys leaves he has family here and he will continue with them... our host apparently starts work monday afternoon... so me and another are left stuck at home... a whole 6 hours... i made the most of doing nothing, so i jumped on one of the computers, and lost my self :) .... best 6 hours of the trip.
somebody brought up going skiing, so we went, bruised my hip and shoulder and stubbed my toe... fantastic.
so its Tuesday night, and we should have been on our way back already, but noooo we should spend couple more days here.. and my friend convinces me because my other friend (apartment owner) is depressed. "sure, but Thursday we leave", i say. we talk about why he is depressed and they start bashing Canada.. and a whole argument arises and lets just say it hasn't been resolved..yet.
Wednesday... we are seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel of what to do in Montreal in the cold (and fuck it was cold) .. we end up going to the bio-dome and the 1976 Olympic stadium, woo...now tensions are high, we're just too different to get along, at least thats what i thought.
Thursday, i over hear my friend (the car owner) planning with the other for things to do on the weekend... i interrupt this conversation stating that we are supposed to be leaving later that night... they try to convince me to stay the weekend, but i've honestly had enough..
conversations were very shallow... mostly whining about every thing (we ran out of memories).. events were -always- at least 2 hours late... i just couldn't take it anymore.. so i told them I'm leaving on the next bus--heh how dramatic--and i do. 9pm bus, arrive in toronto at 3am, hang out downtown for 3 hours till the subway opens, and im home at 8am. home sweet home.
im satisfied with my life the way it is... the past where it should be... hidden deep in my unconscious...
200 dollars, 7 days and 2 less friends later, here i am. blogging again.
--- hossam
ps. its hard to see from text the amount of annoyance i was in. boredom, constant whining and judging will get under your skin, especially if its from familiar strangers.
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say it right...
Jan. 27th, 2007 | 01:21 am
or dont say anythin' at all......................
i have had nothing to say for the past several weeks.. but i i can feel the urge......... 2007 isnt going to be a good year.
i have had nothing to say for the past several weeks.. but i i can feel the urge......... 2007 isnt going to be a good year.
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just because you have no talent...
Dec. 2nd, 2006 | 12:35 pm
location: Home
music: Milli Vanilli - Girl you know its true.
doesnt mean you cant do something great...
just look at milli vanilli.. just cause they couldnt sing... doesnt mean their music sucked :p
anyway here you go..
just look at milli vanilli.. just cause they couldnt sing... doesnt mean their music sucked :p
anyway here you go..
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and so the countdown begins...
Nov. 30th, 2006 | 05:06 pm
location: School
mood: 
curious
music: None.
exams creepin up and sooner or later im going to have to start studying... before that i have to finish 3 assignments.. all due pretty much at the same time.
24 season 5 comes out on the 5th.. but thats going to have to wait too.. ):
the past 3 months i've watched seasons 1-4 and it has saved me a lot of money! -- rather than watch any new releases (well i went to see bond.. but i had to!) in theatres.. i spent my fridays with a couple of friends watching 24 episodes.. we'd watch 5-6 episodes a sitting... good times.
facebooks getting highly addicting... but i predict, barring any unforseen events, that the effect will wear out in a couple of days. maybe because i'm not really a "networking" kinda guy.. ironic since thats part of my career path.. life's ironic just see the last post..
-- hossam
ps. it seems that facebook streams my blog straight into the site itself.. that might make me a little more conservative as to what i share... i think i've already said too much.. bleh.
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Some people are just more comfortable in hell....
Nov. 28th, 2006 | 01:45 am
location: Home
music:
Alanis Morrisette - Ironic.
So i made a facebook entry.. i was bored... but it brought up so many memories of people i used to know. some people i didnt want to see again, others i actually forgot existed... aint that sad.
couple of these people were girls i had crushes on.. one of which still goes to my school.. its funny really, but i just dont have the guts to talk to her... tormenting me to just find out if she does remember me at all.. i doubt she does... i had the urge to add her to "facebook" but i dont even have the balls for that.
anyway, about my subject title there "Some people are just more comfortable in hell" .. its true.. some people just enjoy not being happy. maybe im one of those people. i never really enjoy the times that i have nothing to complain about. im sure alot of people are like that too.
isnt it ironic....
i love this song... life just seems that way sometimes.....
~hossam~
just search for hossam mohyeldin .. if you wanna add me to your facebook :p
couple of these people were girls i had crushes on.. one of which still goes to my school.. its funny really, but i just dont have the guts to talk to her... tormenting me to just find out if she does remember me at all.. i doubt she does... i had the urge to add her to "facebook" but i dont even have the balls for that.
anyway, about my subject title there "Some people are just more comfortable in hell" .. its true.. some people just enjoy not being happy. maybe im one of those people. i never really enjoy the times that i have nothing to complain about. im sure alot of people are like that too.
isnt it ironic....
i love this song... life just seems that way sometimes.....
~hossam~
just search for hossam mohyeldin .. if you wanna add me to your facebook :p
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Dreams...
Nov. 21st, 2006 | 06:51 pm
location: School
mood: 
confused
music: None.
I had the wierdest dreams the past couple of days, i dont know why, i didnt even sleep that much, guess i just drop into rem sleep faster than usual because my mind is so tired.
anyway, i took note of some of the things that happened in the two dreams and ill try my best to explain what i was feeling. (feel free to analyze)
the first dream took place on saturday night and again on sunday night. As i remember it, it was a romantic picnic with me and my significant other in the future(not sure if it was wife or just gf) and i had just realized how much i was in love with her, and how much she was in love with me.... what im trying to say is that it was sort of an epiphany. it was late afternoon in the park, and we were being approached by a mob of 4-5 people... and they were mad. The cause of their anger was the fact that the girl i was with was 3-4 years younger than i am. A confrontation occured and i ended up having to kill (dont laugh) all of them. I noticed a sign of resentment on the girls face, but she made sure i knew that she was very much mine by *coughdetailsomittedcough*.. and then i woke.
the next dream was last night... i was involved in an exploration-type break-in ... you know.. where you just want to see whats inside a building rather than steal whats inside... (sorta like breaking into a museum to look at the art).. anyway the building was all glass, the stairways were glass, the doors etc.. we go all the way to the roof, when one of the people i was with decides to pull the fire alarm.. it starts raining, or sprinklers (but we are on the roof) and we try to escape.. the others just give up because police are already showing up, but i try to run away... i hang over the ledge of the building, the way down is blocked somehow because of the fire alarm, and i try to swing and enter the floor below the roof.. as i release my swing, my hand slips (because everything is glass) and i fall 2 stories onto my back... and i wake up... the people i was with were an assortment of old friends and people i dont know.
i wonder what i will dream up tonite :o
-- hossam
anyway, i took note of some of the things that happened in the two dreams and ill try my best to explain what i was feeling. (feel free to analyze)
the first dream took place on saturday night and again on sunday night. As i remember it, it was a romantic picnic with me and my significant other in the future(not sure if it was wife or just gf) and i had just realized how much i was in love with her, and how much she was in love with me.... what im trying to say is that it was sort of an epiphany. it was late afternoon in the park, and we were being approached by a mob of 4-5 people... and they were mad. The cause of their anger was the fact that the girl i was with was 3-4 years younger than i am. A confrontation occured and i ended up having to kill (dont laugh) all of them. I noticed a sign of resentment on the girls face, but she made sure i knew that she was very much mine by *coughdetailsomittedcough*.. and then i woke.
the next dream was last night... i was involved in an exploration-type break-in ... you know.. where you just want to see whats inside a building rather than steal whats inside... (sorta like breaking into a museum to look at the art).. anyway the building was all glass, the stairways were glass, the doors etc.. we go all the way to the roof, when one of the people i was with decides to pull the fire alarm.. it starts raining, or sprinklers (but we are on the roof) and we try to escape.. the others just give up because police are already showing up, but i try to run away... i hang over the ledge of the building, the way down is blocked somehow because of the fire alarm, and i try to swing and enter the floor below the roof.. as i release my swing, my hand slips (because everything is glass) and i fall 2 stories onto my back... and i wake up... the people i was with were an assortment of old friends and people i dont know.
i wonder what i will dream up tonite :o
-- hossam
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What a week!
Nov. 17th, 2006 | 02:57 pm
location: School.
music: Keyboard Clicking -- Noisy Students Inc.
2 assignments, 1 midterm, 1 quiz .. i feel like i was bumrushed, i guess i didnt plan ahead well enough.
well.. 1 assignemt was 80% complete (not correct perhaps) .. the other is 10% complete (probably all wrong too) and is due in 10 minutes ..lol.. oh well.. i aced the midterm and the quiz like a champ.. so i guess everything evens out at the end...
I've been playing ALOT of world of warcraft this past week... thats probably why most of my shit wasnt done.. but i enjoyed it tremendously.. my guild is progressing slowly thru the hardest parts of the game.. and my charcters are getting mighty strong! .. maybe when im sick of the game ill sell my account and earn back some of that time.
anyway, im going to relax this whole day, and tommorow ill start my next assignment nice and early...
Bond opens up today, 007 casino royale, gonna go see that.. also Stranger than fiction is open starring will ferrel.. i hope it doesnt bomb.
--- hossam!
ps. the past month ive been getting an average of 4 hours sleep per night.. the world gets very ethereal at times.. and i just float...................................
well.. 1 assignemt was 80% complete (not correct perhaps) .. the other is 10% complete (probably all wrong too) and is due in 10 minutes ..lol.. oh well.. i aced the midterm and the quiz like a champ.. so i guess everything evens out at the end...
I've been playing ALOT of world of warcraft this past week... thats probably why most of my shit wasnt done.. but i enjoyed it tremendously.. my guild is progressing slowly thru the hardest parts of the game.. and my charcters are getting mighty strong! .. maybe when im sick of the game ill sell my account and earn back some of that time.
anyway, im going to relax this whole day, and tommorow ill start my next assignment nice and early...
Bond opens up today, 007 casino royale, gonna go see that.. also Stranger than fiction is open starring will ferrel.. i hope it doesnt bomb.
--- hossam!
ps. the past month ive been getting an average of 4 hours sleep per night.. the world gets very ethereal at times.. and i just float...................................
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why do all good things come to an end....
Nov. 11th, 2006 | 03:40 am
location: Home
mood: 
relieved
music: Nelly Furtado -- All good things.
Honestly what will become of me, don't like reality, It's way too clear to me, But really life is daily, We are what we don't see, Missed everything daydreaming..
Flames to dust, Lovers to friends, Why do all good things come to an end?
Traveling I only stop at exits, Wondering if I'll stay, Young and restless, Living this way I stress less, I want to pull away when the dream dies, The pain sets in and I don't cry, I only feel gravity and I wonder why?
funny thing.. my life right now feels like the season finale of some show.. montage of everything coming to a conclusion to a funky slightly unknown track... lots of fading in and out.. lots of walking off alone into the sunset moments...
its funny feeling.. it kinda makes you cry, but not really, you choke up, your eyes water.. you smile.. alot of bad things have happened but ...everything will be ok... the hero is broken but ok, leaving an opening for the next season..
i like how livia said i wear my mind on my sleeve.. im sorta like that.. but as the barenaked ladies say "i wear my mind on my sleeve, but i usually take off my shirt"
im glad i ran into a nelly furtado song on my playlist, lol i think livia sent it to me too a while ago and i just never gave it the time it deserved since i hate nelly furtado's new image.. the song is "All good things" and thats the track for my montage... i saw the music video and i fell for her again. :-D
I like how i dont get ANY msn messages from the people that wanted help the past month.. oh wait thats right.. there are no assignments due anytime soon... fuckers... i wish i was jack bauer.. i could just shoot them and get a presidential pardon.. i wonder if they have that in canada.
sigh.
hossam
Flames to dust, Lovers to friends, Why do all good things come to an end?
Traveling I only stop at exits, Wondering if I'll stay, Young and restless, Living this way I stress less, I want to pull away when the dream dies, The pain sets in and I don't cry, I only feel gravity and I wonder why?
funny thing.. my life right now feels like the season finale of some show.. montage of everything coming to a conclusion to a funky slightly unknown track... lots of fading in and out.. lots of walking off alone into the sunset moments...
its funny feeling.. it kinda makes you cry, but not really, you choke up, your eyes water.. you smile.. alot of bad things have happened but ...everything will be ok... the hero is broken but ok, leaving an opening for the next season..
i like how livia said i wear my mind on my sleeve.. im sorta like that.. but as the barenaked ladies say "i wear my mind on my sleeve, but i usually take off my shirt"
im glad i ran into a nelly furtado song on my playlist, lol i think livia sent it to me too a while ago and i just never gave it the time it deserved since i hate nelly furtado's new image.. the song is "All good things" and thats the track for my montage... i saw the music video and i fell for her again. :-D
I like how i dont get ANY msn messages from the people that wanted help the past month.. oh wait thats right.. there are no assignments due anytime soon... fuckers... i wish i was jack bauer.. i could just shoot them and get a presidential pardon.. i wonder if they have that in canada.
sigh.
hossam
( Video of song. )
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i can try, but nobody wins...
Nov. 10th, 2006 | 04:14 am
location: Home.
mood: calm
music: Blind Guardian -- Lord of the Rings.
you win, its your show now, so whats it gonna be.. cause people will tune in, how many train wrecks do we need to see before we lose touch.. we thought this was low... its bad, getting worse, whered all the good people go?
so im sitting around feelign far away.. so far away but i can still feel the debris.. can you feel it?
you intterupt me from a friendly conversation, to tell me how great its going to be? you might notice some hesitation, cause whats important to you is not important to me.
anyway...
its been about 3 months from when tracey broke up with me.. 3 whole months it took for me to finally convince myself its nothing to be upset about. sure i made alot of choices during that relationship that i may not be proud of, but they were my choices. Im starting to get that, and these are some of the thoughts that go thru my mind. Obviously she is going to say its her not me, that she doesnt want a commitment and that we were going to be friends -- thats just damage control, cant argue with somebody when they claim the problem is themselves.. that i cant "fix" them... that its beyond my reach to do anything about it... "Friends" is such a general term these days, its basically everybody you know -- to most people.
it was obvious for a long time that we werent compatible. even my friends (my actual close friends) told me we werent right for each other, im sure her friends said the same. our views on life clashed. people claim opposites attract.. they dont.. they just cancel each other out, and you end up with a situation thats neutral and bland. if you ever heard the song by john mayer -- slow dancing in a burning room, thats exactly how i would describe our relationship in the last couple of months. it was just falling apart infront of my eyes and i couldnt do anything about it.
What upset me the most is that i let myself beleive that there could have been a chance of being reunited after we broke up.. im sure thats a natural feeling that anybody would have. What frustrated me more however, after that idea sank in (that it was over) i grasped to the hope of us being friends, i was just reaching for mirages... frustration turned into anger after discovering things i dont think i should have. these discoveries made it certain that the excuse "its not you its me" was what it was. All of a sudden i found myself in a state of paralysis.. not a physical one, but emotional and mental. feeling a sudden rush of lonlyness... it wasnt pleasent to say the least..
Just a week ago it all became ok. I cant exactly explain how. All the reasoning seemed to make sense. All the advice from people seemed to work. it took me a week to actually write anything about it because i was still trying to understand it.
I am hurt, and its not something i will forget., but its something i will learn from. I know she didnt mean to hurt me. There is nothing else to say anymore. again the thing that will bother me the most is the fact that i feel that i lost somebody that is special to me.
Alas, life goes on, and ive probably bored you already.
-- Hossam.
ps... please forgive any grammer/spelling mistakes.. its 4am.. and i havent been getting much sleep the past week.
so im sitting around feelign far away.. so far away but i can still feel the debris.. can you feel it?
you intterupt me from a friendly conversation, to tell me how great its going to be? you might notice some hesitation, cause whats important to you is not important to me.
anyway...
its been about 3 months from when tracey broke up with me.. 3 whole months it took for me to finally convince myself its nothing to be upset about. sure i made alot of choices during that relationship that i may not be proud of, but they were my choices. Im starting to get that, and these are some of the thoughts that go thru my mind. Obviously she is going to say its her not me, that she doesnt want a commitment and that we were going to be friends -- thats just damage control, cant argue with somebody when they claim the problem is themselves.. that i cant "fix" them... that its beyond my reach to do anything about it... "Friends" is such a general term these days, its basically everybody you know -- to most people.
it was obvious for a long time that we werent compatible. even my friends (my actual close friends) told me we werent right for each other, im sure her friends said the same. our views on life clashed. people claim opposites attract.. they dont.. they just cancel each other out, and you end up with a situation thats neutral and bland. if you ever heard the song by john mayer -- slow dancing in a burning room, thats exactly how i would describe our relationship in the last couple of months. it was just falling apart infront of my eyes and i couldnt do anything about it.
What upset me the most is that i let myself beleive that there could have been a chance of being reunited after we broke up.. im sure thats a natural feeling that anybody would have. What frustrated me more however, after that idea sank in (that it was over) i grasped to the hope of us being friends, i was just reaching for mirages... frustration turned into anger after discovering things i dont think i should have. these discoveries made it certain that the excuse "its not you its me" was what it was. All of a sudden i found myself in a state of paralysis.. not a physical one, but emotional and mental. feeling a sudden rush of lonlyness... it wasnt pleasent to say the least..
Just a week ago it all became ok. I cant exactly explain how. All the reasoning seemed to make sense. All the advice from people seemed to work. it took me a week to actually write anything about it because i was still trying to understand it.
I am hurt, and its not something i will forget., but its something i will learn from. I know she didnt mean to hurt me. There is nothing else to say anymore. again the thing that will bother me the most is the fact that i feel that i lost somebody that is special to me.
Alas, life goes on, and ive probably bored you already.
-- Hossam.
ps... please forgive any grammer/spelling mistakes.. its 4am.. and i havent been getting much sleep the past week.
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the movie to watch next year...
Nov. 6th, 2006 | 07:39 pm
location: Home
mood: 
ecstatic
music: Debbie Deb - look out weekend
300 is supposed to come out march 2007...
other movies to look forward to in 2007 include, Teenage mutant ninja turtles, spider man 3, pirates 3, oceans 13, fantastic four 2, transformers, harry potter 5, simpsons movie, bourne 3, rush hour 3, resident evil 3... and more sequels... lol
ill start saving for movie tickets now... :p
-- hossam
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the thought is just a novelty
Nov. 6th, 2006 | 04:22 am
mood: 
uncomfortable
music: Maroon 5 -- Simple kind of lovely.
Leaning on a tree trunk, thinking all the same junk, falling in and out of a dream... Back and forth I'm swaying, i'm contemplating staying, laying and decaying, when I know I must leave...where do I aim when I shoot the breeze? How do I calm myself at times like these?
I need a simple kind of lovely, and the thought is just a novelty...
You can spend the whole time, dangling from a grape vine, i'll be standing underneath you when they cut you free. What about when the sun leaves? And what about all those bad dreams?
Who will walk you back into reality?
I wish things could be like this everyday, but I know that I could never live this way...
It was just a simple kind of lovely, and the memories will be ok.
-- hossam
ps: hope for the best, expect the worst. a realistic idealist.
pps: insomnia phase kicking in... :(
I need a simple kind of lovely, and the thought is just a novelty...
You can spend the whole time, dangling from a grape vine, i'll be standing underneath you when they cut you free. What about when the sun leaves? And what about all those bad dreams?
Who will walk you back into reality?
I wish things could be like this everyday, but I know that I could never live this way...
It was just a simple kind of lovely, and the memories will be ok.
-- hossam
ps: hope for the best, expect the worst. a realistic idealist.
pps: insomnia phase kicking in... :(
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judging people...
Nov. 5th, 2006 | 01:36 am
location: home
mood: calm
music: labouche -- sweet dreams
we all do it... some of us more than others.. some faster than others.. its what you do with that judgement and how openminded you are that seperates us really. now i judge people.. and my judgment isnt always right, but i correct it... sadly i am always vocal about my judgments.. and people dont understand why...
i believe that my thought process dictates me to have this sort of mindset... judging and classifing people.. categorizing them.. analyzing them..
and it seems to be a drawback... a fault. a friend told me that this will not only make enemies but lose friends...
all the people i have talked to about this have told me that it (my thought process about people) seems to bother me more than it should, and they all suggested ways to help and the one that was common amongst them is that i should just grant people the benefit of the doubt, take them at face value and just expect nothing..
i tried it a little today, i met a couple of new people.. and nothing ... sigh, old habits die hard... i dont know if this will be an easy task..
time will tell....
-- hossam
i believe that my thought process dictates me to have this sort of mindset... judging and classifing people.. categorizing them.. analyzing them..
and it seems to be a drawback... a fault. a friend told me that this will not only make enemies but lose friends...
all the people i have talked to about this have told me that it (my thought process about people) seems to bother me more than it should, and they all suggested ways to help and the one that was common amongst them is that i should just grant people the benefit of the doubt, take them at face value and just expect nothing..
i tried it a little today, i met a couple of new people.. and nothing ... sigh, old habits die hard... i dont know if this will be an easy task..
time will tell....
-- hossam
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a weight has been lifted...
Nov. 2nd, 2006 | 10:18 pm
finally 3 midterms, 2 quizes, 3 assignments over... i can breathe if only for a couple of days...
im glad some of you found my last entry touching, i was trying to be as honest as i can. however trying to put feelings into words was a real tough challenge, and im afraid the entry did not give enough credit to those feelings.
anyway, now the image of that girl is just a blur in my mind, im not even sure that if i see her again i would recognize her. its a thought that saddens me. it doesnt upset me tho, since now i know such feelings exist, along with an unsurpassed beauty.
thats all for now..
-- hossam...
ps -- i have one more assignment to go.. and im pretty sure i will always have that 1 more assignment to do..
im glad some of you found my last entry touching, i was trying to be as honest as i can. however trying to put feelings into words was a real tough challenge, and im afraid the entry did not give enough credit to those feelings.
anyway, now the image of that girl is just a blur in my mind, im not even sure that if i see her again i would recognize her. its a thought that saddens me. it doesnt upset me tho, since now i know such feelings exist, along with an unsurpassed beauty.
thats all for now..
-- hossam...
ps -- i have one more assignment to go.. and im pretty sure i will always have that 1 more assignment to do..
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and now i will never know...
Oct. 30th, 2006 | 05:19 am
location: Home
mood: 
peaceful
music: Santa Esmerald - Don't let me be misunderstood.
i was on the bus.. reading the novel "Slaughter House V", comepletly immersed in the story line, when i looked up to pause and think about something that was said in the book... i caught her looking at me. i held her gaze for what seemed to be a lifetime, completly paralyzed like a deer caught in the headlights... then we both turned away. not being able to compute what had happened i stared blankly at the book in my hand, then i looked up. again awkward eye contact, the kind that you realize the person had just looked at you at the very moment you looked that them. she looked away.
feeling completly remote from my surroundings, it felt like it was just us two on a bus to nowhere. as i snapped back to reality i realized the seat infront of me was now empty.. she approached, slight hesitation in her movement, and sat in the seat. my heart was racing, "what do i do?" .. should i say something? should i do something? i went back to reading my book.. not knowing what else to do.
after realizing that i had read the same sentence five times, i turned to look out the window, and there she was in reflection on the glass. "Wow" i thought to myself. she had beauty beyond words. a simple almost plain loveliness. she turned to look out the window as well, i felt blood rush to my face as i quickly dropped my gaze back to the novel. a lifetime passed.
as the music played in ears, i almost missed the call for my attention. i looked up and she is turned around, face to face, i am overwhelmed. my heart was beating so hard, and i couldnt breathe. i quickly remove my headphones. "excuse me, do you know what time it is?" ... her eyes were jade green, skin that i bet can rival the softest cashmere, and facial features of a goddess. the image of perfection in my mind. i swalloed hard. "let me check" . as i reached for my phone to check the time, i could feel the dampness of my hands, nervous i was. it must have taken me a while to get my phone because she then asked me "what are you listning to?" i hesitated for a second and realized that i didnt know, i wasnt really paying attention to it. "im not sure.." and gave a confused smile.. which was returned with the a soft smile. i thought my heart had stopped beating, and i dont think i had taken a breath for a while. "its 2:45" i said, she thanked me, and turned back around.
all the hairs on my body had stood up on edge, i could feel my heart beat again and i took a deep breath. as i put my headphones back on, santa esmeralda - dont't let me be misunderstood was playing. my mind went racing after that. should i? shoudnt i? could i? ... but it was too late.. the bus had arrived at square one and we went our seperate ways. never again to meet. should i have said something else? could i have struck up a connection? i had no answers for any of these questions in my head... and now i will never know...
-hossam.
ps- i rushed to type this after i got to school only to be sidetracked by life... but when i got home and winamp decided to play dont let me be misunderstood... i had to write it.. her face is all but gone from my mind... but i believe that i will never forget it...
sigh.
feeling completly remote from my surroundings, it felt like it was just us two on a bus to nowhere. as i snapped back to reality i realized the seat infront of me was now empty.. she approached, slight hesitation in her movement, and sat in the seat. my heart was racing, "what do i do?" .. should i say something? should i do something? i went back to reading my book.. not knowing what else to do.
after realizing that i had read the same sentence five times, i turned to look out the window, and there she was in reflection on the glass. "Wow" i thought to myself. she had beauty beyond words. a simple almost plain loveliness. she turned to look out the window as well, i felt blood rush to my face as i quickly dropped my gaze back to the novel. a lifetime passed.
as the music played in ears, i almost missed the call for my attention. i looked up and she is turned around, face to face, i am overwhelmed. my heart was beating so hard, and i couldnt breathe. i quickly remove my headphones. "excuse me, do you know what time it is?" ... her eyes were jade green, skin that i bet can rival the softest cashmere, and facial features of a goddess. the image of perfection in my mind. i swalloed hard. "let me check" . as i reached for my phone to check the time, i could feel the dampness of my hands, nervous i was. it must have taken me a while to get my phone because she then asked me "what are you listning to?" i hesitated for a second and realized that i didnt know, i wasnt really paying attention to it. "im not sure.." and gave a confused smile.. which was returned with the a soft smile. i thought my heart had stopped beating, and i dont think i had taken a breath for a while. "its 2:45" i said, she thanked me, and turned back around.
all the hairs on my body had stood up on edge, i could feel my heart beat again and i took a deep breath. as i put my headphones back on, santa esmeralda - dont't let me be misunderstood was playing. my mind went racing after that. should i? shoudnt i? could i? ... but it was too late.. the bus had arrived at square one and we went our seperate ways. never again to meet. should i have said something else? could i have struck up a connection? i had no answers for any of these questions in my head... and now i will never know...
-hossam.
ps- i rushed to type this after i got to school only to be sidetracked by life... but when i got home and winamp decided to play dont let me be misunderstood... i had to write it.. her face is all but gone from my mind... but i believe that i will never forget it...
sigh.
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dissapointment...
Oct. 26th, 2006 | 06:42 pm
location: School
mood: 
numb
music: none
nobody commented on my trust entry! why! *tear*
was it because it was wrong? or innacurate? maybe it was soo accurate that you had nothing to add! :p
anyway.. my bungled double booking was exactly that.. bungled.. i cancelled one to make space for a sure thing that turned out to be a dud... then i tried to salvage the cancelled date only to face a brick wall...
then today a blast from the not so distant past... that i failed to avoid because of my lack of willpower... the urge for knowledge had overthrown my senses and i dived into the inevitable... only to find a sterile encounter... the kind you have with an old coworker that you had neutral feelings for.. "oh hey person that exists".. at least some knowledge was gained.. knowledge of where i stand... now i know and knowing is half the battle.
GI-JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE
--hossam
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trust as seen by an egyptian
Oct. 24th, 2006 | 08:02 pm
location: Home
mood: mellow
music: Micheal Jackson -- Do you remember the time?
i was once told i couldnt be trusted... by a person i trusted unconditionally... so here we go as promised
a week or so ago me and a friend discussed trust and how its a vital point in a relationship.. be it friendship or otherwise...
but how much does trust does a relationship start with? do you start with 100% trust in the person, and as time passes that trust is upheld or diminished?
or do you start out with no trust at all and situations and events that occur between the individuals involved influence that trust?
perhaps trust is not a "value" per se ... its more like reaching a certain level in a pyramid**.. once that level of trust is reached the previous level acts as a sort of base for it and it depends on it.
personally i think its a combination of all three versions i explained..
you start on a certain level of a trust pyramid with 100% trust from that person (they had to trust you enough to initiate a relationship) .. and as time goes by you start gaining or losing trust .. and as you gain trust a certain event will catapult you to the next level of trust... of course if this event is "shady" the following levels of trust will be on a loose foundation ready to crumble at any moment.
_--_--_hossam_
**the fact that trust is like a pyramid implies that each level of trust is "smaller"(?) than the past level.. this also implies that there is a pinnacle of trust at the end .. however if you take the pyramid and flip it; you the perfect definition of trust... a little trust at the start.. and it expands infinitly.. also its a very unstable sort of structure.. and the smallest tip can topple it... which means that its hard to gain trust.. and its so easily lost.
a week or so ago me and a friend discussed trust and how its a vital point in a relationship.. be it friendship or otherwise...
but how much does trust does a relationship start with? do you start with 100% trust in the person, and as time passes that trust is upheld or diminished?
or do you start out with no trust at all and situations and events that occur between the individuals involved influence that trust?
perhaps trust is not a "value" per se ... its more like reaching a certain level in a pyramid**.. once that level of trust is reached the previous level acts as a sort of base for it and it depends on it.
personally i think its a combination of all three versions i explained..
you start on a certain level of a trust pyramid with 100% trust from that person (they had to trust you enough to initiate a relationship) .. and as time goes by you start gaining or losing trust .. and as you gain trust a certain event will catapult you to the next level of trust... of course if this event is "shady" the following levels of trust will be on a loose foundation ready to crumble at any moment.
_--_--_hossam_
**the fact that trust is like a pyramid implies that each level of trust is "smaller"(?) than the past level.. this also implies that there is a pinnacle of trust at the end .. however if you take the pyramid and flip it; you the perfect definition of trust... a little trust at the start.. and it expands infinitly.. also its a very unstable sort of structure.. and the smallest tip can topple it... which means that its hard to gain trust.. and its so easily lost.
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keep the monkeys away from my hands...
Oct. 23rd, 2006 | 11:13 pm
location: Home
mood: calm
music: Stereophonics -- Maybe tommorow
lol...
anyway... another day passes with insignificant meaning to it.. i think if you were to distill my life of all the useless moments you would find that my life could be summarized in a couple of hours ..but i guess i need these worthless moments to have something to distinguish the not so useless moments..
me dave and hai (yeah thats his name) had an interesting conversation today about life, im not going to explain what it was, as it would be lost on you since you had to be there.. but it got me to thinking how could a conversation that stemmed from making fun of a persons weight could be transformed into a deep talk comparing physical laws to metaphysical phenomena and back to womanizing.. its times like these that make me really smile on the inside... vs my hands are bananas that make you smile on the outside.
i did something a true playa shouldnt do.. i double booked my dates.. fuck... i guess im not a playa after all... unless i can make it happen .. we'll find out by the end of this week.
oh and something that i will talk about in my next blog is trust.. i think it will be an interesting entry, both for me to write and you to read.
== hossam!
ps. i am not a player i just fuck alot.... lol.
pps. i am in love with mcraig... why!
anyway... another day passes with insignificant meaning to it.. i think if you were to distill my life of all the useless moments you would find that my life could be summarized in a couple of hours ..but i guess i need these worthless moments to have something to distinguish the not so useless moments..
me dave and hai (yeah thats his name) had an interesting conversation today about life, im not going to explain what it was, as it would be lost on you since you had to be there.. but it got me to thinking how could a conversation that stemmed from making fun of a persons weight could be transformed into a deep talk comparing physical laws to metaphysical phenomena and back to womanizing.. its times like these that make me really smile on the inside... vs my hands are bananas that make you smile on the outside.
i did something a true playa shouldnt do.. i double booked my dates.. fuck... i guess im not a playa after all... unless i can make it happen .. we'll find out by the end of this week.
oh and something that i will talk about in my next blog is trust.. i think it will be an interesting entry, both for me to write and you to read.
== hossam!
ps. i am not a player i just fuck alot.... lol.
pps. i am in love with mcraig... why!
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it made me smile...
Oct. 22nd, 2006 | 11:42 pm
..i hope it will make you laugh..
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manipulation...
Oct. 22nd, 2006 | 02:29 am
location: home
mood: 
angry
music: none
i'm having a hard time understanding my mother... one day she will tell me to do anything in my power to be superior.. the next day she tells me that i should remain humble.. the day after that she tells me that i should stop wasting my life... then she claims that i should stop trying to impress people... wtf...
then i think to myself.. my mother just wants to the best for me, but she doesnt know how to show it... and everything makes sense... anyway...
on thursday a guy and his son moved into our basement.. they are here for a visit of canada and i guess we are obliged to rent our basement apartment to them cause they are egyptian and they are need of a place to stay.. but where does our obligations to our community end? ok, so we rented our basement to them (that i was using as both study and play space) .. then we gave them one of our tv's (ok fine we have 4..).. then we gave them access to one of our computers (we have 2-- the one they use is on the main floor and its crap, but it keeps my siblings away from my machine).. then we GAVE them the computer for their private use in the basement... then we gave them one of our two sattelite recievers.. isnt this getting rediculous now? it gets worse.. the son asked my brother to type up his resume for him... then my mom volunteered me to drive them around... (to square one and to their friends house)
wtf? nobody did this for us when we first came to the country.. nobody even did something this remotely giving. So who makes up these obligations? i blame it all on my mothers obsession with appearances, and her need to be viewed as a pillar of community... not mississaugas community.. just the community of those people we are apparently a part of (the same people that held that ramadan dinner 2 weeks ago).. ARGH!!!!!!! i am a nice guy.. but i have my limits.
/rant
--- hossam
then i think to myself.. my mother just wants to the best for me, but she doesnt know how to show it... and everything makes sense... anyway...
on thursday a guy and his son moved into our basement.. they are here for a visit of canada and i guess we are obliged to rent our basement apartment to them cause they are egyptian and they are need of a place to stay.. but where does our obligations to our community end? ok, so we rented our basement to them (that i was using as both study and play space) .. then we gave them one of our tv's (ok fine we have 4..).. then we gave them access to one of our computers (we have 2-- the one they use is on the main floor and its crap, but it keeps my siblings away from my machine).. then we GAVE them the computer for their private use in the basement... then we gave them one of our two sattelite recievers.. isnt this getting rediculous now? it gets worse.. the son asked my brother to type up his resume for him... then my mom volunteered me to drive them around... (to square one and to their friends house)
wtf? nobody did this for us when we first came to the country.. nobody even did something this remotely giving. So who makes up these obligations? i blame it all on my mothers obsession with appearances, and her need to be viewed as a pillar of community... not mississaugas community.. just the community of those people we are apparently a part of (the same people that held that ramadan dinner 2 weeks ago).. ARGH!!!!!!! i am a nice guy.. but i have my limits.
/rant
--- hossam
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spannungsbogen...
Oct. 18th, 2006 | 03:06 pm
location: school
mood: 
hungry
music: naruto ep103
..yeeah.. that basically means the self imposed delay between the desire of for a thing and the act of reaching out and grasping it...(sb) for short... well it seems that sb increases while sb increases.. let me give you an example.... say you want to approach that person of the opposite gender.. the longer it takes you to reach and "grab" them.. might delay the whole process of grabbing.. even to the extent of making the delay infinite.. and losing the chance alltogether...
thats where the expression "when you hesitate you masturbate" comes from.. heh.
anyway, my point this entry is a person shouldnt try to hold back ... if you see something you want grab it.. the more you think about the more time it will take you to grab it... then again we have inhibitions for a reason.. to stop us from making stupid mistakes..
anyway.. its been a hectic several days, and its only going to get worse.. 4 mid's and two assignments.. ontop of it all i have to control my spannungsbogen...lol..
---hossam
thats where the expression "when you hesitate you masturbate" comes from.. heh.
anyway, my point this entry is a person shouldnt try to hold back ... if you see something you want grab it.. the more you think about the more time it will take you to grab it... then again we have inhibitions for a reason.. to stop us from making stupid mistakes..
anyway.. its been a hectic several days, and its only going to get worse.. 4 mid's and two assignments.. ontop of it all i have to control my spannungsbogen...lol..
---hossam